They say war is a bad thing. I don’t think so. I think war is a good thing. In fact I see a strong possibility of world war III in coming years. And this would be the last war of the world that we’ll know…a nuclear war. I think North Korea will trigger this war. I may be wrong, but i have this hunch.
Anyways, i was saying war is a good thing. Imagine tomorrow war is declared on us. Then what would happen? Everybody will be called to join Army and serve the country. I would be the most happy person as i always wanted to join Army. But above all, i would be happy because we all will be together and fighting for the same cause, It would be like we all are back into college life. Eating cheap food in the Army mess, sharing the rooms and bathrooms, waking early morning and going for the drills and then on the fields for missions. Imagine what a fun it would be when you would go for a mission. You will have nothing to worry about…your career, future, family, ego and other goddamn things. You will just be free in the deserts with heavy army uniform and guns given with freedom to shoot any damn body you want. We will have a map, vehicles, arms and brothers. We’ll sit together on the desert ground and chart out the strategy for the mission. All day long we will fight, get injured, killed, kill and survive. And then when dawn fall, we will find a shelter in the desert jungle and lit the fire. We’ll get drunk, play guitar, sing, dance around the fire. We’ll discuss about what we did with our life after college and how we screwed it. How we missed each other, how we missed everything that we had in our young times. We’ll talk about everything from our lost love, to lost brothers in the battle fields. And next day morning we will wake up hearing the gunshots and dropped bombs from the planes flying high up above in the skies. We’ll shake hands with looking into each others eyes as we’ll know that today some of us will not make it to the night for the toast. And then we will disappear into the battlefields to take our positions with the troops and fight.
We’ll not be afraid but happy that we will live today the way we wanted and die the way wanted our end to be…
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
last bus home...
Every night when i leave my office for home, i walk to the bus stop and whenever i walk, i start thinking, thinking about all kind of shit in this world. I put on my cheap FM/AM radio to avoid but it does'nt help at all..with every new song, i start thinking about every new shit. but i love it, i love my last bus home...i mostly catch the same time bus, so obviously the driver is always same and so the people who travel in it. This develops a kind of association, a strange kind of association, you talk with each other without speak a word.
This driver, is a old white guy may be around 55-60 yrs, has grown his mustache and beard. I don't know his name but i would love to call him "Joe". I kind of like him ...whenever you board the bus, he welcomes you inside with the smile and when you get off, he will always say "have a good day/night" I kind of see a father figure in him. Then there is another old black lady who boards from the first station i guess and sits next to the driver. She laughs like a Dracula ...sometimes she scare the shit out out of me when i am sleeping after a hard day's work. I don't know what to call her...lets call her "Aunty D". She always crack a joke or laughs over the joke cracked by someone else sitting around her. Then there is another sweet girl who boards the bus from mall, i guess she works there as some certified technician....whatever...but she is sweet, very young, 20-23 yrs of age may be. lets call her "Anna". So, Anna is sweet... I always stare at her from the last seat. It makes me feel so young, so good.
And then there is another punk who boards the bus from very next stop ...he looks like a gay to me but he seems not ...he wears a short hairdo, always hang an aviator light-brown glasses over his head, wears a cunning look, sharp eyes hunting for girls all the time. ummm lets call him...i donno...lets call him "dude" for the time being. "Dude" always tries to talk to Anna and i kinda hate this...and Anna too and aunty D too...i mean whenever he see some women in the bus, he try to catch her attention and start bothering her. I must see "Dude" off the bus sometime....motherhucker...anyways, there are many other people who comes in or out of the bus but they are not regular except the people i mentioned above and "Jannie". Now, who the fuck is Jannie? Well ...Jannie boards from the next station... :-)
She always wear her glasses whether its a day or night or whatever. She is chubby but lovely. First time i caught her attention when she was walking inside the bus for the seat towards me and she smiled when our eyes met. Only later i found that she was smiling for someone else on the other side of the phone ...whatever...i kind of like her. I kinda hooked ..man..to her ;-) she sits next to my seat and i always daydream/night dream while sitting behind her. Today she was wearing white top and maroon(ed) skirt. Jannie was eating something and was trying to open the bottle cork but could not open it. I thought this is the time dude... ask her for help..ask ..ask...and "tappp"....there she opened the mother*****r cork. I heard someone yelling " loser!!!" or may be its just my imagination...or whatever...
I love it all....i love to see outside from the big window glasses of bus, i love skyscrapers outside, reflection of sunlight from hudson river, falling on them. I love dark empty roads, streets and city lights.
I love to fall asleep on the back seat with my head resting on the big window. I love to listen my FM which plays Led Zepp stuff most of the night time. One by one everybody get off the bus. My stop is almost at the end of route. last 15 minutes of it is like i am alone sitting in the bus with Joe on the driver's seat. One thing about Joe i liked is that he never looked tired even though he is aged, even though he drives that big blue bus all day long...i wonder.... and i wonder about so many other bullshit things in this goddamn world...
Joe: "hey" ...(Joe stops the bus and shout as i fell asleep again....)
me: "ohh....thanks Joe, see you tommorow...have a good one"....
Joe: you too buddy...
This driver, is a old white guy may be around 55-60 yrs, has grown his mustache and beard. I don't know his name but i would love to call him "Joe". I kind of like him ...whenever you board the bus, he welcomes you inside with the smile and when you get off, he will always say "have a good day/night" I kind of see a father figure in him. Then there is another old black lady who boards from the first station i guess and sits next to the driver. She laughs like a Dracula ...sometimes she scare the shit out out of me when i am sleeping after a hard day's work. I don't know what to call her...lets call her "Aunty D". She always crack a joke or laughs over the joke cracked by someone else sitting around her. Then there is another sweet girl who boards the bus from mall, i guess she works there as some certified technician....whatever...but she is sweet, very young, 20-23 yrs of age may be. lets call her "Anna". So, Anna is sweet... I always stare at her from the last seat. It makes me feel so young, so good.
And then there is another punk who boards the bus from very next stop ...he looks like a gay to me but he seems not ...he wears a short hairdo, always hang an aviator light-brown glasses over his head, wears a cunning look, sharp eyes hunting for girls all the time. ummm lets call him...i donno...lets call him "dude" for the time being. "Dude" always tries to talk to Anna and i kinda hate this...and Anna too and aunty D too...i mean whenever he see some women in the bus, he try to catch her attention and start bothering her. I must see "Dude" off the bus sometime....motherhucker...anyways, there are many other people who comes in or out of the bus but they are not regular except the people i mentioned above and "Jannie". Now, who the fuck is Jannie? Well ...Jannie boards from the next station... :-)
She always wear her glasses whether its a day or night or whatever. She is chubby but lovely. First time i caught her attention when she was walking inside the bus for the seat towards me and she smiled when our eyes met. Only later i found that she was smiling for someone else on the other side of the phone ...whatever...i kind of like her. I kinda hooked ..man..to her ;-) she sits next to my seat and i always daydream/night dream while sitting behind her. Today she was wearing white top and maroon(ed) skirt. Jannie was eating something and was trying to open the bottle cork but could not open it. I thought this is the time dude... ask her for help..ask ..ask...and "tappp"....there she opened the mother*****r cork. I heard someone yelling " loser!!!" or may be its just my imagination...or whatever...
I love it all....i love to see outside from the big window glasses of bus, i love skyscrapers outside, reflection of sunlight from hudson river, falling on them. I love dark empty roads, streets and city lights.
I love to fall asleep on the back seat with my head resting on the big window. I love to listen my FM which plays Led Zepp stuff most of the night time. One by one everybody get off the bus. My stop is almost at the end of route. last 15 minutes of it is like i am alone sitting in the bus with Joe on the driver's seat. One thing about Joe i liked is that he never looked tired even though he is aged, even though he drives that big blue bus all day long...i wonder.... and i wonder about so many other bullshit things in this goddamn world...
Joe: "hey" ...(Joe stops the bus and shout as i fell asleep again....)
me: "ohh....thanks Joe, see you tommorow...have a good one"....
Joe: you too buddy...
Saturday, July 14, 2007
This world is a...
When you are in a hole, your (empty) brain makes more noise, and these noises are what i am trying to throw out to the void, while i was walking on the streets in the tipsy evening. A thought among thoughts is, that i feel i am a clown and for that matter every damn body is a clown in this world. There are two types of them, one who know they are clown, but pretend not to be, others like buffoons, know that they are clowns and they behave like clowns. Everybody is born clown, but some remain so...like this guy with a mole on his left cheek, with his expressive eyes (as they say), but in reality they express nothing but despair and emptyness. I want to confess today that i am a clown, can't you see those marks on my face with lips sticked red with white colour surround them?, with a red cherry grown on top of my nose? and my fairy coloured hairs? don't you laugh on everything i say or everything i do? don't you say "hey dear clown, your life is a parody". Yes, you do notice that and one thing that you don't notice is that you too are a clown. May be clever than me, may be ring master beats you less with hunter, but we all obey his rules. He sends you to this circus to perform and survive. Once you finish your show he is gonna see you backstage. May be at that time you will realise.
Do you remember when you were a child and saw this wild dream that you are falling from some hill and that you are gonna die? but then all of sudden you wake up and feel happy that all that you saw was just a dream and nothing is gonna happen to you and you go to your mother and sleep on her lap which makes you forget that wild dream? But today you are young and grown clown. Today when you see the same dream and you wake up, you realize that this is the truth and we can't escape it? and you have no mother's lap to comfort you.
Dude you finish your show and your game will be over. You will vanish to the void, like thousands of your thoughts. You are helpless, disgraced and a befooled clown. You don't run this circus, you don't get second chance and ringmaster is harsh, he is gonna put you in hell. Having said that, i feel anyways i know i am gonna go to hell, why should i perform at the stage where thousand of phonies watching you.
See, dear blog, i never wanted to confuse you. My point is clear. I accept to be a clown but i will play on my terms, on my stage for my audience and i don't work with ringmaster, i defy him, he is a liar, ditcher and punisher, don't you remember his spiralled hunter made up of horse hairs and buffalo skins?
Today all you have is this limited time on this stage called "World".
"This world is a circus and we all are clowns and clowns."
Do you remember when you were a child and saw this wild dream that you are falling from some hill and that you are gonna die? but then all of sudden you wake up and feel happy that all that you saw was just a dream and nothing is gonna happen to you and you go to your mother and sleep on her lap which makes you forget that wild dream? But today you are young and grown clown. Today when you see the same dream and you wake up, you realize that this is the truth and we can't escape it? and you have no mother's lap to comfort you.
Dude you finish your show and your game will be over. You will vanish to the void, like thousands of your thoughts. You are helpless, disgraced and a befooled clown. You don't run this circus, you don't get second chance and ringmaster is harsh, he is gonna put you in hell. Having said that, i feel anyways i know i am gonna go to hell, why should i perform at the stage where thousand of phonies watching you.
See, dear blog, i never wanted to confuse you. My point is clear. I accept to be a clown but i will play on my terms, on my stage for my audience and i don't work with ringmaster, i defy him, he is a liar, ditcher and punisher, don't you remember his spiralled hunter made up of horse hairs and buffalo skins?
Today all you have is this limited time on this stage called "World".
"This world is a circus and we all are clowns and clowns."
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Ghost rider
What da hell….saturday night , no high? and i am gonna waste sunday also? But what to do? Its already 10:30 in the night….
So i decided i’ll go for a moonlight ride on Old Madras Road on the outskirts of Bangalore and will ride a 40 or 50 odd km, and come back fresh enough to get a nice sleep.
I pushed the kick rod and 500 cc thumped out the music that i always love to listen. And the engine was revving up on outskirts of Bangalore in few minutes after.
I love night drives, the yellow street lights lightning the empty roads, the dark sky, the dusky moon looked like a brim of white light god throws on you, the avenue and all this was here with 500cc daemon beneath my ass.
I took off my helmet to feel the fresh air on my face. The strong gush of air on my face, was just washing out all the pain away…and i felt like i am listening some kind of opera…i could hardly see anything except few yards on roads but after few kms i was on the road where there was nothing except a dark road….i could hardly make out but there was dry fields on both side of road, small rocky mountains all around and that unique smell of air that i always love to smell.
And while all that was going on in my mind, i realised that i am 100+km away from Bangalore and it was already 12:00 am in the night. And then i saw this milestone which says Chennai 260kms. I called up nikhil and he said come down to Chennai. While talking to nikhil i realised that i am standing just beside the graveyard and there was not even a vehicle coming on that road, i was all alone …man i kicked my machine hard and ran away.
I was wearing nothing except my loose 501 Jeans, slippers and a thin Tee and i was shivering like a poor puppy in the rain. But i decided to move on and i rode with my chest wide open facing all that.
And then while all this was going on my mind, i saw a turn again to two direction. One to Chennai and another to Tirupathy in AP. I donno what happened to me and i starting thinking which direction to take to? Chennai? where i have been many times before or to a new place in AP? Tirupathi? But atheist like me….how can i expect something like that from myself? But i don’t know since last few months, i had this feeling that i should go to Tirupathi and i don’t know why? Hmmm was confused and then i called Nikhil….it was 1:00 am and nikhil did not pick up the call and then i heard God calling me . So…..i …took…. left…all the way to Tirupathi…
I reached Tirupathy 5:30 am in the morning , took a hotel to get some sleep before i go to the Hill top where there is this famous temple of Balaji, Lord Venkateshwara!!!!
But the moment i closed my eyes, some guy knocked my door. It was tough but i opened my eyes and opened the door. This guy with a ugly smile on his face asked “Saara, hot water is coming take a bath please”. God…i just slept and why the hell would i need the hot water to take bath in AP where the mercury was rising upto 45 degrees? Bastard… i smashed the door on him without saying anything. After an hour i guess, again some bugger starting knocking my door…uffff i was’nt even able to open my eyes but i opened the door. Again a new guy with same ugly smile “Saara, Tea Saara?”…Bh****dika….i would have killed him for sure…..anyways i could not sleep properly and i woke up after 2-3 hours, took a bath and went up to the Hill.
The road is great to Hill top… well maintained. After i reached there i come to know that you need to be there in a queue for “Darshan”…ok…i went there and pass through the security and entered the waiting Hall and what i saw there left me numb..a thousand of people waiting for their turn….and i was like..GOD!!!…then someone told me that you can get a 50/- ticket and save some of your time….i went to 50/- queue and this security guard stopped me and aksed for the tickets. I thought i will pay here and get the tickets but to my dismay….tickets has to be taken from all the way down the Hill…..And there i lost my patience…with naked foot, i walked out.
I took a lunch and after lot of thinking, i decided to move back as i had to attend the Monday office meetings and i could not drive after another night out.
I came back with sad feeling and it was hot like anything. On NH206, the strong hot air like fire, was hitting me hard and making me weak.
I was on NH4 after few hours and felt good, the rain god were kind …
Then rest of the route was enjoying….i stopped at CCD, rode through the serene roads, flowers falling on the road and cold air….wow!!! and boy…i was singing loud…straight from my heart …talking to myself all the while, making music for the songs i have written and bumping……aah i reached Bangalore at 7:00 in the eve and felt fresh!!!!!
-Crowie!!!
So i decided i’ll go for a moonlight ride on Old Madras Road on the outskirts of Bangalore and will ride a 40 or 50 odd km, and come back fresh enough to get a nice sleep.
I pushed the kick rod and 500 cc thumped out the music that i always love to listen. And the engine was revving up on outskirts of Bangalore in few minutes after.
I love night drives, the yellow street lights lightning the empty roads, the dark sky, the dusky moon looked like a brim of white light god throws on you, the avenue and all this was here with 500cc daemon beneath my ass.
I took off my helmet to feel the fresh air on my face. The strong gush of air on my face, was just washing out all the pain away…and i felt like i am listening some kind of opera…i could hardly see anything except few yards on roads but after few kms i was on the road where there was nothing except a dark road….i could hardly make out but there was dry fields on both side of road, small rocky mountains all around and that unique smell of air that i always love to smell.
And while all that was going on in my mind, i realised that i am 100+km away from Bangalore and it was already 12:00 am in the night. And then i saw this milestone which says Chennai 260kms. I called up nikhil and he said come down to Chennai. While talking to nikhil i realised that i am standing just beside the graveyard and there was not even a vehicle coming on that road, i was all alone …man i kicked my machine hard and ran away.
I was wearing nothing except my loose 501 Jeans, slippers and a thin Tee and i was shivering like a poor puppy in the rain. But i decided to move on and i rode with my chest wide open facing all that. And then while all this was going on my mind, i saw a turn again to two direction. One to Chennai and another to Tirupathy in AP. I donno what happened to me and i starting thinking which direction to take to? Chennai? where i have been many times before or to a new place in AP? Tirupathi? But atheist like me….how can i expect something like that from myself? But i don’t know since last few months, i had this feeling that i should go to Tirupathi and i don’t know why? Hmmm was confused and then i called Nikhil….it was 1:00 am and nikhil did not pick up the call and then i heard God calling me . So…..i …took…. left…all the way to Tirupathi…
I reached Tirupathy 5:30 am in the morning , took a hotel to get some sleep before i go to the Hill top where there is this famous temple of Balaji, Lord Venkateshwara!!!!
But the moment i closed my eyes, some guy knocked my door. It was tough but i opened my eyes and opened the door. This guy with a ugly smile on his face asked “Saara, hot water is coming take a bath please”. God…i just slept and why the hell would i need the hot water to take bath in AP where the mercury was rising upto 45 degrees? Bastard… i smashed the door on him without saying anything. After an hour i guess, again some bugger starting knocking my door…uffff i was’nt even able to open my eyes but i opened the door. Again a new guy with same ugly smile “Saara, Tea Saara?”…Bh****dika….i would have killed him for sure…..anyways i could not sleep properly and i woke up after 2-3 hours, took a bath and went up to the Hill.
The road is great to Hill top… well maintained. After i reached there i come to know that you need to be there in a queue for “Darshan”…ok…i went there and pass through the security and entered the waiting Hall and what i saw there left me numb..a thousand of people waiting for their turn….and i was like..GOD!!!…then someone told me that you can get a 50/- ticket and save some of your time….i went to 50/- queue and this security guard stopped me and aksed for the tickets. I thought i will pay here and get the tickets but to my dismay….tickets has to be taken from all the way down the Hill…..And there i lost my patience…with naked foot, i walked out.
I took a lunch and after lot of thinking, i decided to move back as i had to attend the Monday office meetings and i could not drive after another night out.
I came back with sad feeling and it was hot like anything. On NH206, the strong hot air like fire, was hitting me hard and making me weak.
I was on NH4 after few hours and felt good, the rain god were kind …
Then rest of the route was enjoying….i stopped at CCD, rode through the serene roads, flowers falling on the road and cold air….wow!!! and boy…i was singing loud…straight from my heart …talking to myself all the while, making music for the songs i have written and bumping……aah i reached Bangalore at 7:00 in the eve and felt fresh!!!!!
-Crowie!!!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Land ho!
Grandma loved a sailor who sailed the frozen sea.
Grandpa was that whaler and he took me on his knee.
He said son Im going crazy from living on the land
Got to find my shipmates and walk on foreign sand.
This old man was graceful with silver in his smile.
He smoked a briar pipe and he walked four country miles
Singing songs of shady sisters and old town liberty
Songs of love and songs of death, songs that set men free.
Ive got three ships and sixty men
A course for ports unread.
Ill stand at mast, let north winds blow
Till half of us are dead.
Land ho!
If I get my hands on a dollar bill
Gonna buy a bottle and drink my fill.
If I get my hands on a number five
Gonna skin that little girl alive.
If I get my hands on a number two
Come back home and marry you
Marry you, marry you.
Land ho!, land ho!
If I get back home and I feel all right
You dont baby gonna love you tonight
Land ho!
-Doors
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